PRETTY LITTLE LIARS RECAP: Bite Your Tongue 4x17

Sh*t went down this week. All of the things happened. We figured out who Board Shorts was, Spencer took drugs from Andrew, Aria confronted Maggie, Mike and Mona started being a “thing” and Hanna read a book or two.

Let’s start with the major shocker here. Board Shorts. I knew Ezra was involved in Ali’s life and disappearance somehow, but I never thought he was Board Shorts. I totally thought it was one of Ali’s mysterious older friends from Cape May, given their nickname because they liked to wear board shorts. Who names a beer “Board Shorts Ale”, and who drinks it with boysenberry pie? That sounds gross, and I’m totally going to knock it before I try it. Thanks, but no thanks. The beer thing was a good trick, though. I don’t think anyone would have guessed it was the name of a beer when we originally found out about Board Shorts. It was definitely mysterious, and only the wildest guess possible would have gotten it. It sounds like a Hanna guess. I also didn’t know Ezra was a big beer drinker, although he does live in Hollis, and that is the college town. (Or the college part of the town. I always get confused as to where that is.) So yeah, Board Shorts Ale was definitely something out of left field, and I love it. 

Can we also talk about how weird Ali and Ezra are? I mean, Aria and Ezra are still kind of weird to me, considering the age difference. Whenever I see or think about that flashback, I always think 16 year old Ali with present day Ezra, not the Ezra it would have been when she was 16. I don’t even remember how old he actually is at this point. (According to the PLL wikia page, he’s 25. So imagine 16 y/o Ali with 25 y/o Ezra. 9 year age difference with a minor. Ew.) So adjusting for the age difference and the amount of time that has passed, he would have been early 20s-ish when they did whatever it was they did. I don’t know what to call it. Did they date, or just have a thing? Or was it just a close relationship? They did kiss, so maybe it was a thing? Ali seems to be equally as confusing, if not more, being dead as when she was alive. 

And the drugs, oh the drugs. I had no idea Andrew took drugs to do all the stuff he did. I just thought he was like 7^th grade Spencer who managed to play field hockey on the JV team and still maintain a perfect grade average. Drugs never came into play there, although the workload isn’t very much when you’re 12. It’s definitely more now that they’re all seniors in high school. I’m pretty sure Andrew should have known something was up when Spencer invited him over, considering he’s been gone down the rabbit hole so long I forgot who he was when he showed up on the screen. I’m also sure that Andrew giving Spencer prescription drugs without her having a prescription is illegal, and that they can both be criminally charged for it. So they both better make sure Hanna’s new friend Officer Holbrook doesn’t find out. (I almost forgot who he was too. I thought he was Noel for a second for some reason.) I assume that’ll be the least of anyone’s problems anyways. We do still have 2 murder investigations going, remember? This is not going to turn out well, but it’ll be cool for the film-noir edition of PLL they’re airing in 2 weeks. That should be very interesting to see how they keep up the plot in 1940s film style and dated dialogue.

Aria and Maggie was a short thing, but a fun thing. I’m glad Aria finally confronted Maggie about all the sh*t she messed up when she showed up in Rosewood. I just wish she hadn’t broken Malcolm’s picture. I know it was an accident, but that was pushing it for sure. I’m wondering if Maggie confronted Ezra about his “psycho girlfriend”, as Aria likes to put it. I’m just glad she showed remorse after she did it.

Apparently Mike likes strange girls, because there was a lot of PDA in that one scene with Mona. Please, get a room.  Yeah, so back to Mike and Mona. GROSS. I just… No. Since when does Mona date 10^th graders? I have no idea what guidance counsellor Jesse did (I really like him, as of now. Let’s just see what happens.), but it is strange. Are they official now, or are they pulling an Ali/Ezra on us? Or are they going to be FWB?

Hanna’s little encounter at the dentist will make me more scared to go there for the rest of my life. That was freaking creepy. The gas, and the fact that Spencer had to pull A’s clue out of Hanna’s mouth with tweezers in Aria’s living room is probably one of the stranger ways they’ve received a clue. Who has a handy dandy magnifying glass sitting on their table?  There must have been a better way to deliver that message, too. Text, spray paint, carrier pigeon, something. A only gets points for creativity on that one. I’m sad that A decided to shred those records and put them in the bird cage, but the glance at the Cape May map was nice. Wilden’s yacht, huh? That must hold plenty of secrets.

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